The Secret to Success with Goal Setting: Desires, Discipline, and Determination

Photo by GWV productions, Parker Dam PA.

Goal Setting

As a fitness enthusiast and professional in the fitness world for close to 10 years now- I hear a lot of people having similar goals and intentions, “I want to lose 50 lbs, I want to feel good in my bathing suit, I want to get back to a weight where I feel confident when I look in the mirror.” Most of the time these thoughts and intentions to be better, do better, and find more consistency with diet and exercise come from a place of desire

Desire

An intention and want that is placed on your heart.

We all have desires whether it’s fitness related, a trip we have been dying to take, a dream car, the white picket fence dream house you have aspired to grow old in with your spouse, or that picture perfect job you’ve dreamed of having since you were a kid. The thing about desires- is that they should only be pursued when they align with your goal self.

What I have noticed most with my own desires- is that they take up a significant amount of space and time in my thoughts each day. These desires will either align or not align with my long term goals.

Sometimes desires come into our minds just because we are falling victim to the lens of comparison. We desire something just because others we look up to have it.

We either recognize and immediately dismiss these desires because they don't add value or purpose to our lives, or we choose to pursue them because they actually fill our cup. There are times that these desires don’t fill our cup or bring us happiness, but we choose to pursue them anyway-due to the external pressure from society to fit the “mold.”

I personally have found more peace and happiness in my own life when I inventory whether these desires are improving and adding value to my life and who I’m working on becoming, or if they subtract and take away from the future version of myself and don’t add value to my life.

I encourage you to recognize what desires bring you into alignment with your happiest and healthiest self, and fill your OWN cup.

Desiring something for external validation and to be accepted by others may feel good in the moment, but will not bring you long term happiness. That is why it is important to make time to monitor what goals and aspirations you truly desire for yourself, what habits and routines bring you happiness, and what habits, behaviors, and desires align or don’t align with where you want to go.

My favorite example of how you can align your desires with goals would be individuals pursuing a health and wellness journey.

Many individuals have long term goals and desires to tone up, build muscle, and lose fat. If you have a desire to lose fat and reach a fat loss goal- you have to practice habits on a daily basis that align with a fat loss goal. I have seen time in time again someone having the intention or desire to lose fat, but failing to pursue the habits needed to reach that outcome because the desire and habits it takes to achieve a fat loss goal quickly fade.

We fall back into the same negative habits we were practicing before due to convenience, comfort, and simplicity. Once you fall back into your old negative, easy, and convenient habits you no longer are going to be aligned with a fat loss goal. Sticking to the same old habits will not help you lose fat- no matter how much the desire to lose fat is there in your heart.

To reach any goal you set for yourself- you have to start examining WHAT it is you truly desire, and align your daily action and habits to that desire!

However- reaching goals is more than just desiring something. You also have to practice characteristics like self discipline and determination to stay on track with the goals you have set out to achieve. So let’s get into self discipline…..

Self-Discipline

If you have a goal in mind that you want to achieve- this means you have to start practicing habits and behaviors on a daily basis that align with your goal..

For example- lets say someone has a fat loss goal. When trying to develop fat loss habits an individual will most likely have the desire to practice the habits that align with fat loss right out the gate, but that usually fades out pretty quickly because our brains are creatures of habit. The brain likes to repeat what it knows and has learned over the years.

Which is why practicing habits through the lens of self-discipline is crucial. Not all desires that you think about on a daily basis will align with your goals. You have to be self-disciplined enough to resist temptation and caving into habits, desires, and actions that do not align with your goals.

Self-Discipline is defined as the constant follow through and obeyance of specific values, morals, actions, behaviors, and habits you have set out to achieve for a specific desired outcome or goal.

With self-discipline it is very normal that you may have to practice habits, behaviors, and actions you don’t like in order to achieve a specific outcome. Even when the going gets tough- you keep going by practicing self discipline with the challenging daily habits it takes to reach your goals.

When you have desires there will be a-lot of instances where a desire is not in alignment with your goals. It is important to consciously inventory all the desires that pop into your thoughts on a daily basis, and make sure you are practicing self-discipline with these desires so they dont turn into daily practices that create negative bank statements on your identity through your daily habits, behaviors, and actions.

When you have the desire to eat fried foods you need to practice self-discipline and say no most of the time- especially when you pursuing a fat loss goal. Fast foods on a consistent basis do not align with a fat loss goal. So even if you love and desire fast food quite frequently- you have to have the discipline to say no to it most of the time and choose healthier whole food based meals. This will transform the habit of eating fast food to a more positive habit of eating Whole Foods. Saying no most of the time to fast foods- keeps you aligned with your goals, and is an act of love for yourself through consistent self-discipline.

You may have the desire to eat your favorite chocolate bar and donut every morning for breakfast, but instead you practice self-discipline by staying dedicated to your fat loss goal. Instead of a donut/chocolate-you begin choosing a higher protein, more whole food based breakfast each day. A processed breakfast vs whole food based breakfast transforms from a negative to positive deposit habit towards your fat loss goals. You will still treat your self to a donut or chocolate bar to reward your efforts- but this is done very infrequently instead of on a frequent basis. Even though you love chocolate- you have the self-discipline to say no in the moment so that you stay aligned with your long term goals of fat loss.

You may desire to sit and watch TV every night while scrolling on your phone, but instead you practice self-discipline and decide that it’s important to take a 20 minute walk outside before sitting down and rewarding yourself with a little bit of TV to relax at night before bed. Your discipline to your goal of fat loss outweighs being comfortable and instantly gratified with TV even if the extra exercise is frictional and inconvienent in the moment.

Remember not all the desires that pop into your thoughts each day align with your goal self. This is why it’s so important to practice awareness around all of your desires so that they don’t block you from your long term goals.

If you find yourself feeling good in the moment but immediately feeling guilty after acting upon a desire- this is a sign the desire you chose to act upon was a negative deposit on your goals.

If you find yourself feeling friction and annoyance to do a habit but later on you feel energized, happy, and a sense of delayed gratification-this is a good sign that the desire you pursued made a positive deposit on your goal self.

Figuring out what is important to you and what goals you are trying to achieve will be a life long process that takes a lot of self-love, self-reflection, and self-discipline.

You have to practice self-discipline even if some of the habits that align with your goals are habits you don’t love practicing.

Healthy and happy alignment with your goal self can sometimes require in the moment choices and actions that you don’t love. It’s a healthy balance of loving some of the things you do, while having to be disciplined with the things you don’t love to achieve your long term goals.

For example- When you are pregnant- you are given an external motivator or reason to change your daily habits- such as giving up caffeine, lunch meats, and raw fish for the baby even if you love these daily nutritional practices.

As humans we struggle so much changing habits to align with goals such as someone with a fat loss because the changing of habits often times needs to be done internally and doesn’t always rely on us having an external motivator. Being pregnant and making changes with your habits for the baby comes easier for some because something outside of you is motivating you to make change (the baby).

Sometimes a fat loss goal will turn into an external source of motivation when the doctor threats your long term health and the possibility of chronic disease. Which creates more discipline and drive due to external motivation (the doctors medical advice).

When the changes that need to be made with your habits and behaviors are coming from an internal place without external motivators-this is where discipline is key to stay consistent with reaching your long term goals. Motivation and consistency will come through the act of self-discipline, and by staying determined to the process of a better you!

Determination

So…. you figured out what your long term goals are, you start monitoring if your desires are positive or negative, you implement the practice of being disciplined with your positive deposit actions, habits, and behaviors. Now what?

You stay determined with your commitments and desires to becoming your goal self.

Determination and discipline go hand and hand. Excuses, narratives, and roadblocks will happen in life. When these come up in your journey to your best self- you need to not only be disciplined- but stay determined

I’ve heard a lot of people say narratives like “I just don’t have the discipline” to do that. If you truly have a desire for a certain goal it is going to take consistent action, commitments, behaviors, and determination to reach your goal self. Showing up and honoring the version of yourself you are trying to become is the biggest act of self love.

When trying to reach a goal- no one will ever be perfect. Humans are imperfect beings. Goal setting is very uncomfortable because a lot of negative habits and behaviors have to be transformed into more positive deposits in order to become aligned and consistently stay aligned with your goals and the future version of yourself.

You only reach your goals when you practice consistency with your daily habits. When you accept you won’t be perfect, you can really surrender perfectionism and fall in love with the process of showing up as the best version of yourself each day.

It is going to take a lot of falling off the horse and getting back on and not giving up to achieve your goals. Which is the true definition of determination to me. Staying focused even when life’s obstacles get in the way.

With goal setting- it’s important to remember that shifting negative habits to positive ones can only be done though consistent repetition and action. If you are not able to be self-disciplined enough to follow through on your daily habits- you may need to start smaller than you already are.

It’s important to take baby steps so that you build up consistency, confidence, and momentum on your journey to a better you.

Starting small and then progressing once you have built self-discipline and consistency with your daily habits will help you stay determined and allow you to fall in love with the process. If you surrender into delayed gratification and allow habits to stick long term and consistently- you begin understanding that you will eventually get there over time- even if it takes longer than you would like.

The biggest mistake I’ve made with goal setting is setting commitments, habits, and behaviors that seem daunting and frictional to complete on a daily basis right out the gate- which made me inconsistent for years with my daily habits and behaviors. I was so hot and cold all the time. Being hot and cold with my commitments habits and behaviors on a daily basis did not cultivate self-discipline, determination, or any consistency to follow through on the habits needed to reach my goals.

Fast forward to today. Instead of trying to make drastic changes to my current habits I practice when it comes to career, life, or fitness goals- I start small with my commitments and habits.

After building confidence in small manageable habits, I slowly and progressively start scaling and progressing the habits over time to align more strongly with my goals. This has helped me stay determined to the process of reaching my goal self- rather than feeling overwhelmed, burnout, and feeling like I’m on a hamster wheel of consistency followed by inconsistency.

Be determined to the process of aligning with your goal self- even if that means starting small to cultivate confidence.

So in order to be successful with goal setting remember these three things:

1. Inventory your daily desires. Make sure they align with your goals. Sometimes desires block and steer you away from your goal self.

2. Learn to be disciplined with your daily habits, desires, actions, and behaviors. This is truly what it takes to reach your goals.

3. Always dedicate your time and energy into your goal self even if that means you have to start small to cultivate momentum, confidence, discipline, and energy. Be prepared to fall in love with the process of finding and pursuing the best and most ideal version of yourself. There is no end- it’s always a work in progress and about the journey.

Hope you enjoyed todays blog. As always I have so much love and happy habits to share with all those who tune into my blogs! Get out there and crush those habits this week!

Sincerely,

Coach Jay

Xoxo

The Debilitating Truth About Expectations

Letting go of the expectations we have created towards others and for ourselves. Instead- find inward peace and happiness by just “BEing”

Picture: Lawrence and Grace-Dubois, PA

Expectations:

We all have them. We set expectations for ourselves, we set expectations for others, and we set expectations of what our career path, wealth, and success should look like.

When you don’t meet the expectations you set for yourself or someone you love- this disrupts your inner peace and joy. Expectations you set for others and yourself are just like a fee. A cost will be paid with every expectation you set. This cost could be your friendship, mental health, inward joy, or even your self worth.

Expectations can be debilitating to not only you but the others who surround you.

So tune in- grab your favorite coffee mug with a cup of coffee and read what’s on my heart today.

The purpose of this blog is to share how I’ve found freedom through recognizing, monitoring, and overcoming my negative belief systems and limiting the amount of unrealistic expectations I create for myself and those I surround myself with.

Expectations of Oneself

I’m starting with discussions about the expectations we set for ourselves for several reasons.

Setting and creating unrealistic expectations for ourselves can be the biggest and most monumental disaster for our overall wellbeing and feelings of worth.

Some of the biggest mental blocks and false belief systems I’ve set expectations around for myself include:

1. Expectations that I am not successful if I am not productive. Rest is for the weak.

2. Expectations that if I don’t give my shirt off my back to others I am unlovable and cold.

3. Expectations that saying no means I’m a mean person. Being a yes man makes me more lovable, accepted, and well liked by others.

4. Expectations that if I don’t follow my parents advice or those opinions I value

   the most- I’m a failure and a disappointment to human kind.

5. Expectations that setbacks, mistakes and roadblocks indicate that I’m a failure.

   
   

These expectations I listed above have lived rent free in my head for longer than they deserved to.

With lots of time in solitude, I have learned these expectations harness and create negative bank statements on my overall wellbeing, happiness, and identity. I would be lying if I told you these subconscious thoughts don’t creep back into my mind from time to time, because they do. I recognize when they are happening now, and I have the ability to affirm and remind myself that not all thoughts, negative belief systems, and unrealistic expectations should hold truth and value over my life.

I don’t allow negative and false expectations to take over the drivers wheel of my life anymore. I realized I am not the victim of my thoughts, I am in control of them and every expectation that I create for myself. The more we fall victim to negative belief systems, thoughts, and unrealistic expectations the more we take away our feelings of worthiness, happiness, peace, contentment, and joy.

We ALL have flaws and shadows, and dark sides to us. By creating unrealistic expectations, and falling victim to negative mindsets, thoughts, and behaviors- we shift all our focus on the bad, and lose site of all the good we bring to the world.

So it’s time to ask yourself-what unrealistic expectations have I been setting for myself lately?

My unrealistic expectations:

I used to believe rest was for the weak, until god planted burn out and complete mental exhaustion into my life. I was at the point where rest was a lesson and the only solution I had. Otherwise- I would have reached a breaking point. God also planted the lockdown of Covid 2020 in my life and I was forced to find an identity and pillars to joy and fulfillment outside of my career. All I ever knew was to show up as the human who was known as the good coworker, with strong work ethic, and the person who would do anything and to excel in their career. I was always seeking validation through my career. Then boom- my job was taken away from me with no control or say. This was honestly one of the hardest experiences of my life, but now an experience that I am extremely grateful for. Learning to rest and that my worth is not directly associated with my job or constantly being productive- has given me wonderful success with being consistent in all my life endeavors. Rather than going too hard too quick and burning out- I have learned small bouts of consistency for the longterm and with a slow burn will always outweigh periods of short intensity with long periods of nothingness. Visualize this in your head, and make sure the projects and passions you take on are through the lens of small, meaningful, and consistent efforts.

I used to think being selfless was my best quality, and all that I wanted to be known for. I wanted to be liked by everyone, and would give everybody the shirt off my back. That was until it started coming at the cost of my mental health and own internal happiness. Instead of feeling a full cup of energy each day to happily give and disperse freely to everyone; I started feeling resentment, bitterness, and animosity towards everyone- even those I loved and cared for most. Being selfless is a great trait and quality to have, but should not be at the cost of your own energy; especially energy that is not reciprocated back. Learning to understand your energy and when to give it vs protect it- is something I still struggle with. Finding humans who reciprocate and don’t only take is a great start, and learning to love the energy takers with healthy boundaries. We are all takers at times depending on who we confide in. Trying to be sure you give and take from others is a hard balancing act. The key to success with keeping your energy cup full and constantly replenished is being sure you give your energy when needed, but also consciously remind yourself to also monitor your energy. You can’t operate from an empty cup.

I used to think saying no needed explanation, validation, and meant I wasn’t a good person. This expectation has been the hardest and most challenging obstacle for me to overcome, and I still find myself struggling to say no. When I do say no- I think there is a need to constantly over explain and overshare the reason I’m saying no. But no is no, and there are times where no explanation is needed. We only have so much energy to give others, and there are times even though we love to give, we just physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally are not in a place to do so. So to the people who say no and someone doesn’t like it- that’s okay. They aren’t used to healthy boundaries, and with time they will learn to adapt and love you for the boundaries you set- or much needed distance will subconsciously be created between you two, which is a blessing in disguise. When someone has healed and done the inner work throughout their lifetime and through human experiences, they understand we are all trying our best- so when you are met with understanding to saying no- keep those individuals close and express gratitude for them. They are few and far between and meant to serve a wonderful purpose in your life.

I used to think listening to my parents advice was more important than listening to my own gut instincts and intuition. I learned the hard way that taking the advice of others who love me and think they know what is best for me- led me to feelings of disassociation, hopelessness, and disappointment. It’s so important to listen to other people’s perspectives and respect their point of views, but your intuition and gut instinct is the Holy Spirit and divine talking through you. Listening to your inner knowing and voice is what will guide you to your happiest and healthiest self. You may disappoint those who love you most when you don’t follow their advice, but nothing will make you feel more lost and hopeless than ignoring your inner voice and intuition. I found my inner voice through meditation, prayer, and solitude in nature. If you haven’t found it- that’s okay you will; get comfortable with your inner voice. Spend time in solitude and get to know it. The more you find it- the more happiness, balance, and prosperity you will bring into your life.

Setbacks and mistakes used to rattle my self worth and self love for myself more than anything, until one day I yelled at the self deprecating thoughts in my head and reminded myself that:

“We are all souls here on planet earth failing time and time again. Until one day we just figure it out.

Even if I am the person who never truly figures out what success means to me, the courage to pursuit a life full of growth, evolution, and change will always be enough.

Everytime I face a setback or roadblock that doesn’t go the way I planned, I’m always doing my best to adapt, overcome, and continue forging ahead. These moments when you want to quit or give up most are building you into the best version of yourself. Big plans and goals can also mean big setbacks, lessons, and roadblocks. Failure is a term that creates fear mongering to step out of your comfort zone. Thinking you will fail will make you live in a constant state of fear while neglecting faith. As my pastor always says faith and fear can not coincide at the same time. Personally- I have learned that mistakes, setbacks, and roadblocks are not failure, and they have served as pivotal moments for redirection of my current path, a blessing in disguise (I know it’s a huge disguise), or even a lesson you were meant to learn so that you can align yourself with the future version of yourself that has yet to come.

Creating “unrealistic expectations” of oneself can create a byproduct of all or none thinking, low self worth, and low self esteem. This will spiral you into thinking you are good or bad, a success or a failure, and even as far as to think you are a worthy or worthless human. It’s important to set healthy expectations and goals for yourself, and live in the present moment- because no matter how much you want to control things- a lot of things are out of our locust of control.

Expectations of Others

Disappointment, sadness, anger, frustration….. someone has made you feel this way at some point in your life- I’m sure of it.

I have learned through my lifetime we create an inner dialogue in our head of how we want others to treat us. Maybe it’s because of how we show up for others, or maybe it’s because we want someone who we look up to or admire to validate us and make us feel like “we are enough.”

Either way- if you set expectations of how you want someone to show up for you- there is a huge chance that you will face disappointment. They won’t show up in the way you expected. Their actions wont line up with their words. Their behaviors are less than ideal. You don’t receive the energy back that you are giving.

Whatever the expectations are that you’ve created for others; my advice is to let that shit go.

Let a person freely express who it is they are, let their behaviors and actions be a reflection of how it is they show up for you, and lastly accept that we are all flawed and perfectly imperfect.

Humans are here to experience happiness, sadness, disappointment, joy, hardship, and so many other emotions. When you start projecting and creating a vision in your head for how you want someone to show up for you, and they don’t- you are bound to be shaken up at your core. You will start to question if the person is good, if you are unworthy, and so many more negative spiral thoughts.

Instead allow a person just be. Whatever way they can show up for you will feel like “enough” when you have let go of all the expectations you created for them. You feel more gratitude, peace, and joy when really good people show you their true and authentic selves.

There will be some people in our lives that do require healthy boundaries and monitoring with our energy, time, attention, and love. In order to love others, we do need to love ourselves first, and sometimes this requires protection of ourselves and our inner peace through healthy and realistic boundaries.

We are all humans with varying tanks of energy to give others. When we accept others and just let them “be” this will help you lead a more balanced, prosperous, and joyous life. When you allow yourself to surrender all unrealistic expectations of yourself and others, you allow yourself to live more freely in the present moment with feelings of peace, joy, and gratitude.

So the next time you plan to pursue a goal or attend a social event- maybe it’s time to just be- and stop creating unrealistic expectations for how you want to show up for others, and how you want others to show up for you.

Just be.

We all deserve nothing but light, love, and happiness in all that we pursue! The more we can stay true and authentic with what truly brings us joy and meaning to our lives- the more light, love, and kindness we can spread to this world.

With Love & Happy Habits,

-JV

Juliane Volosky MS, ATC, LAT, PES, CWC

Happy Habits Health and Wellness Blog

True Power Comes From Within: A Guide to Developing a Warrior Mentality When Facing Life's Greatest Obstacles

Written By: Juliane Volosky

Photography: Gavin Volosky, gwvproductions

Photo Taken by gwvproductions on top of Mt. Washington, New Hampshire

I have realized as a 33 year old there are so many days that my spirit feels tired, defeated, and overwhelmed. During our soul experience down here on earth living through the human vessel we face a lot of negative obstacles, feelings, and experiences.

When we have experiences that are good this creates feelings of gratitude and abundance, while the experiences that feel negative and hard- will challenge and teach you the most valuable lessons in life. The hard lessons and challenging experiences often create the biggest breakthroughs; instilling and teaching you about positive attributes like resilience, bravery, and courageousness.

No matter how prepared we think we are to handle life's obstacles, there are days where your life experiences and hurdles feel like an impossible mountain to climb, a raging rapid river to cross, or a cement barrier to break through. When these obstacles become so inevitably challenging, this is where you are broken down, stripped of all that you thought you knew, and forced to take on challenges that feel impossible to face head on. When you are up against a wall, with zero will to keep moving forward; this is when and HOW having a warrior mentality matters most.

What is A Warrior Mentality?

A warrior is defined by google as a brave and skilled fighter/individual who exhibits strength, courage, and resilience in the face of adversity.

You have one of two ways in which you can handle the obstacles and experiences that life will throw your way:

Through a Victim Mentality- You always find something to complain about with your experiences. You are constantly focusing on the negatives in situations, and often think things like "why me"

OR

With a Warrior Mentality- You are present in the moment and practice gratitude for all the abundant things in life. When an experience is challenging, you face your obstacles head on, and are constantly trying to rewire your negative thought patterns into more positive or transformative perspectives. Instead of saying things like “why me, poor me, only this would happen to me” you ask yourself critical questions like “what is this teaching me, what can I learn from this, and how will this experience help me grow?”

I used to live my life 90% of the time through a victim lens and mentality. Every time I had a bad experience I would say things like "just my luck," "why do my friends have it so much easier than me," "god is punishing me," or "life can never go right for me."

No matter how much I wanted or prayed for positive and abundant things to happen in my life, I was over-consumed by all the negative experiences that were going on around me. I found myself overstimulated and often times in high alert mode. I was always future focused, and thinking about all the bad things that could potentially go wrong. By constantly living life in fear, and in a high alert mode; I found my body in constant survival mode- many psychologists like to call this “fight or flight." This mode of living is not healthy to live in long term, and can cause feelings of depression, anxiety, anger, and self deprecation.

I spent a lot of my early to late 20s living in a constant state of fight or flight. I couldn't get present enough to enjoy the small amazing things going on in my life, like my morning cup of coffee, a 10 minute nature walk in the sun, or even spending quality time with my friends and family.

Instead- I was thinking about all the negative things throughout the day that happened to me, and also at the same time fearing all the situations that could go wrong in the future based off what routine and events I had planned throughout the day and in the near future.

I knew I needed to change my mindset surrounding my everyday life experiences, and develop a more positive and abundant mentality. I began calling the ideal mentality I wanted to develop a warrior mentality.

This mentality is abundant, adaptable, resilient, flexible, and requires grit and determination. Developing a warrior mentality navigating through my daily life experiences is not something I learned and developed overnight.

It has taken a lot of hard work to develop, and if I’m not careful and practicing awareness around how I view my life experiences; I find myself falling back into a victim mentality more times than I would like to admit.

That’s the thing about life, even warriors fall down at times. What matters is to fight tooth and nail, with resiliency, and with determination to get back into alignment with the best version of yourself. That’s what a warrior would do.

When you have a Warrior Mentality- you step into your true power. You have the power to recognize and have awareness when you are allowing your negative experiences to take over the present moment. The more often you can recognize you are losing sight of the present moment- the less and less often it will happen. Warriors can only manage what they monitor.

So today my fellow warriors- I am going to share with you a step by step guide to learn and foster a warrior mentality in your everyday life! I hope these tips and tricks help you as much as they have helped me. Living life through a positive lens by practicing a warrior mindset as often as I can- has allowed me to unlock my true inner power and practice a life filled with more peace, balance, and abundance. Here is to hoping it can do the same for you.

A Step by Step Guide to Live Life With a Warrior Mentality:

1. Be present. Forgive the past, stop fearing the future.

Be Present- If you practice presence you are living in the moment without letting your past experiences and fear of the future distract you. Being present should feel grounding, peaceful, and abundant; not distracted, anxious, and worrisome.

In Order to be present you have to:

Forgive the past- Forgive the old versions of yourself, and the negative habits and behaviors you practiced in the past. Let go and move on from individuals who don't want to see, recognize, or hold you accountable to the happiest and healthiest version of yourself.

I find a lot of people from my past remembering or reminding me of the old behaviors and habits I "used" to practice. The old me was very quick to temper, would never admit I was wrong, and would cope with trauma or emotions through drinking and other negative habits/behaviors. The new and improved me has fought to become an improved and better version of my old self. If you find individuals holding onto your previous shortcomings and past mistakes- learn to forgive them, but don’t be afraid to move on and let them go. Some people only want to remind you of where you’ve come from, and stop you from where it is you want to go.

In order to become the ideal version of who you want to be it’s important to surround yourself with people who motivate, and give you the assurance that it is okay to step into the healthiest and happiest version of yourself. It’s important to recognize the people constantly reminding you who you “used to be.” A warrior would let these types of people go.

Stop Fearing the Future- If you have experienced trauma through your childhood and adulthood; it's okay to acknowledge that this trauma has happened. It is also OK to feel it, honor it, and accept that this trauma has or may currently be holding you hostage to feeling in a bad place mentally, physically, and spiritually.

However, staying in a constant state of fight or flight because of fear of your past trauma happening again in the future, or losing sight of the present moment because you want to block out that this trauma happened in this first place- will prevent you from experiencing life in the present moment. Don’t allow fear of your previous experiences happening again, or anxiousness around what could happen in a future stop you from all the great things that are happening in the present moment. Warriors understand that life is short, storms will happen, and being present is where the magical feelings of peace, happiness, and abundance is unblocked . Be present- the future isn’t here yet, and if a lesson is repeated in life- maybe it’s for a reason- to help you learn and grow!

2. When you start feeling anger or resentment during an experience. Try to prevent yourself from looking at the experience through a pessimistic lens- flip the script-ask yourself what is this teaching me?

When we are going through an experience, and things do not pan out how we intended or how we thought they would, our brain immediately goes into overdrive and wants to start viewing this experience as a negative one. We begin feeling very pessimistic and have feelings of stress, anger, and deprivation.

We fall into a victim lens and start feeling sorry for ourselves. We think our experiences are “the worst” and these “challenges” are much worse than what anyone else is going through. It takes a lot in the moment to flip the script and narrative, and tell yourself that even though this is a challenging moment, it can teach you a lot about yourself. These obstacles and challenging times may not make sense in the moment, but may be a storm or experience that gives you the courage to face another battle head on later in life.

I am not sitting here and trying to describe toxic optimism either. I know a lot of people who are going through challenging hurdles and experiences in life and they are not allowing themselves to feel the emotions they need to feel. They are telling not only themselves but others that “everything is fine” when in all reality they are suppressing how they truly feel, and that the current situation they are in TRULY SUCKS.

In these situations a person going through a challenging obstacle in life would develop a warrior mentality by recognizing that this experience in life is currently uncomfortable, sucky, and not what they expected, but is teaching them to learn and value qualities like resilience, patience, and having faith over fear. Feel what you need to feel, but instead of falling into a “poor/why me” victim mentality- acknowledge this situation sucks- but what can it teach you?

3. Have grit, and understanding that most warriors see the value of delayed gratification

Warriors understand that great moments and experiences in life take a lot of time and hard work. If you want a life full of abundance, prosperity, and joy- you have to be willing to work for it. Our society as a whole has found a way to enable instant gratification; and disable reward for practicing delayed gratification.

Of course we are programmed to chase instant gratification for instant dopamine. Instant dopamine feels good. We go all in on fad diets to see instant weight loss results, scroll our phones for instant dopamine, or binge watch shows to avoid processing our emotions, trauma, and negative feelings of worth.

We refuse to accept and embrace delayed gratification because it takes time and hard work. We don’t buy into the process of delayed gratification.

Instead of making small, positive changes to our diet and exercise in a healthy way to lose weight slowly and maintainably, we resort to extreme fad diets. When we aren’t seeing results out the gait or in an extreme manner this means the weight loss is not fast enough or not working- which couldn’t be further from the truth!

Instead of dealing with stress by going for a walk, we endlessly scroll through our phones which causes more anxiety and havoc on our bodies long term. We don’t go for the walk because it’s frictional and doesn’t feel good in the moment like when we are watching tv or scrolling through our phones. Again- an example like above to falling victim to instant dopamine rather than doing what’s harder in the moment for more reward later on.

Instead of processing our emotions, we avoid and suppress them by binging episodes of a TV show or getting a buzz via a few alcoholic beverages. We do what we can to trigger that instant dopamine, instead of going to talk to someone about how we are feeling, and facing the problem head on. It’s so easy to fall victim to habits and behaviors that just numb our emotions, since it takes work and delayed gratification to process through them.

When you are a warrior you understand and start to live life through a lens of delayed gratification and with grit. You understand that good things in life take time, trusting the process, and buying into feeling ALL the emotions, even the negative ones.

Having grit and accepting delayed gratification isn’t a quality that’s just given to you at birth, it’s a learned skill and behavior.

When you start facing hard challenges with grit, and tell yourself that good things take time, you stop falling victim to activities and habits that you are doing just to feel good in the moment.

Sometimes an in the moment choice and decision may not feel good, but you know it aligns with your long term why, and down the road will give you more blessings and reward than something that just feels good in the moment.

Be a warrior and approach your life with grit and understanding that the best things in life take time and patience. You develop grit when you finally stop falling victim to the same instantly gratifying negative habits and behaviors, and finally start buying into the frictional habits and behaviors that make a positive impact on your overall wellbeing and life.

If you were to fly a helicopter vs climb to the top of a mountain peak- which view do you think you would enjoy more? The view where you put the work in through the climb or the helicopter view you were just dropped at?

Part of becoming a warrior is understanding that it takes grit and hard work to enjoy the abundant blessings and lessons that life will bring you.

So remember- having a warrior mentality is not going to be a constant. It takes time, practice,

awareness, and constant recognition when you are falling victim to seeing your experiences through a pessimistic lens.

Be present, feel all the feelings that god places in your heart, and have grit and belief that the good things take time. I hope I have given you some tools and resources to develop more of a warrior mentality!

Thanks for tuning in 💛

With love,

Jay