Five Practices of Self Love to Build Inner Peace and Confidence

Photo Taken: Rickets Glen State Park Benton, PA

What is Self Love?

I believe that self-love is acknowledging and taking ownership of pouring into your own cup, and creating healthy boundaries so that you do not allow others to define or determine your worth.

Self-love is a vital component to improving your overall wellbeing, confidence, and happiness. Practicing self-love should be prioritized each and every day of your life.

Humans tend to train their brains to focus on finding happiness through external validation. Rather than trying to improve our overall wellbeing through our own pursuit of passions, talents, hobbies, and behaviors, we continue to chase societal norms, post achievements, hide failures, hyper-focus on materialism and consumerism, and chase social status to give off the illusion that we fit in, are successful, and happy.

We ignore achieving internal validation through self-love when we focus on external validation. When you choose to tie your worth to how others in society view you, you lose sight of what success means to you.

The holy spirit perfectly crafted us to not only serve others selflessly, but to live a life in alignment with our truest and most authentic self. The Holy Spirit wouldn’t want you to do what everyone else is doing, the Holy Spirit would want you to follow your heart and pursuit the things that bring you peace and joy when pouring into your own cup.

Pouring into our own cup by practicing self-love will take years to prioritize, and decades to master.

When you learn to fall in love with who you are, what makes you happy, and how you define success; you stop looking for approval and validation from others, and start training your brain to pursue the things that bring you confidence, peace, and joy.

Practicing Self-love and building inner confidence will always result in people formulating their own opinions about you. The real superpower of self-love and inner confidence is you choose to believe the only opinion about yourself that matters- your own.

When you begin having a strong sense of self by pursuing acts of self love, you will not allow other people’s opinions of you to hold power over you and your worth. When you don’t allow people’s opinions to hold power over you this is how true confidence and inner peace is discovered.

Self-love practices should be a main focus of each day, even when we are in bad head spaces due to negative self-intrusive thoughts.

The point of today's blog is to share 5 acts of self-love that have really benefitted my own overall wellbeing, confidence, self-worth, and internal peace. You can take from this blog what resonates and leave behind what doesn't.

As a wellness coach, I have learned that not every wellness tip, self-help book, self-improvement blog, or mindfulness practice aligns with me. As I continue to heal and grow, I adopt the self-help practices that resonate with me and my routine and let go of the ones that don't. I hope one or many of these acts of self-love I am sharing with you today resonate and work for you the way they have abundantly worked for me.

Self-Love Tip #1: Feel ALL the Feelings

30 years of my life were consumed by hiding, minimizing, or straight up ignoring any negative emotions and feelings I had when I was going through a challenging life experience. Instead of processing how I was feeling in the moment, and sitting with my feelings, I would choose to become avoidant with my feelings and distract myself with work, social media, drinking, the gym, gossiping about others, or fixing other people's problems so I didn't have to focus on my own.

Humans can spend an entire lifetime avoiding negative and uncomfortable feelings. Choosing to face these uncomfortable feelings is a vital part to growing, healing, and learning about ourselves.

Each and every one of us is full of flaws, traumas, and insecurities. When we are trying to seek validation from the external world we try to shove any negative feelings, flaws, insecurities, and traumas down so that we appear like we have a picture-perfect life, and are successful. Sometimes hiding feelings can also be a trauma response to not feeling seen and heard as a child, and that is how you continue to manage your emotions as an adult.

Practicing and trying to implement Tip #1 gives you permission to acknowledge and heal through all your feelings, even if you used to be avoidant of them in the past. The positive, negative, uncomfortable, and sad feelings are okay, and I encourage you to feel them all. Acknowledging your feelings, along with your strengths, shortcomings, insecurities, and flaws allows you to process, grow, and heal towards being a better version of yourself in the present and for the future.

To truly appreciate joy is to fully understand and embrace what the abstinence of joy feels like. 

Self-Love Tip #2: Monitor The Energy in Your Environment

The second act of self-love flows from the first act. It is not only important to feel all your feelings, but also monitor your energy in the environments you are spending a lot of time in.

If someone is making you feel uncomfortable, tearing you down, or criticizing you in a way that is not constructive but demoralizing, monitoring your energy around this person helps you realize what rooms you don’t belong in, or at least certain environments you need to set healthy boundaries in for future interactions.

It is a true act of self-love to pay attention to your energy after spending a prolonged amount of time with different individuals in the environments you spend a lot of your time in.

There is your work environment, home environment, social environments, family environments, church/religion environments, and networking environments.

You can be around individuals and environments that recharge you and make you feel refreshed, while other individuals and environments will make you feel drained.

If you don’t spend time monitoring your energy, and practicing awareness around the people you interact with, you can become drained and have constant feelings of burn-out.

The more often you self-reflect and check in on your energy, the better you get at protecting your peace.

As Newton liked to say, “Energy can not be created nor destroyed.” It’s important to remind yourself and reflect on where you are depositing your energy. Some environments will take your energy without any reciprocation or return, while other environments the energy that you give is reciprocated back to you in some capacity or even more.

Tip #2 is so important to practice daily. Just like finances, you should monitor what you spend when it comes to your energy. If it feels your only spending and not receiving, a healthy boundary needs to be created to protect your peace, and overall wellbeing. Protect yourself from the environments that drain you, and relish and find joy in the environments that recharge you, and bring you peace.

Energy can not be created nor destroyed. Monitor your energy.

 Self-Love Tip #3: Create Healthy Boundaries to Protect Your Peace

The third act of self-love can be very hard for most individuals to implement, especially if you suffer from chronic people pleasing, and seeking acceptance of others.

A boundary is defined as an imaginary line that limits access or marks the edge of something. In tip #2 we talked about monitoring your energy around people and environments. When you become aware that certain people or environments are not improving your overall wellbeing and costing you a sense of peace from expending too much of your energy, that is where a boundary needs to be created.

Boundaries (when it comes to your overall wellbeing) are simply a way to limit the energy and access others have to you. If you are surrounded by a person who criticizes, makes fun of you, is chronically negative/complaining, or brings you down; most the time you can just stop associating with this person. BUT... Life has a way of getting challenging if this person is a colleague, a family member, part of your friend group, or a roommate.

A healthy boundary limits the access of energy that you are investing into someone else, so that you can preserve your overall wellbeing, inner peace, and continue to live a life in alignment with your true and authentic self.

Life does like to hit us with challenging circumstances, and cutting off complete access of yourself may not always be possible, but setting a healthy boundary would be the next best thing.

Tip #3 has helped preserve my overall wellbeing and confidence since adopting healthy boundary setting. If you utilize tip #1, # 2 and tip #3 together you really have the tools to continue fostering acts of self-love for yourself, while preserving your inner peace and confidence.

Healthy boundaries when it comes to your overall wellbeing limit the energy you are investing in someone else so that you can maintain your energy, inner peace, joy, and happiness. 

Self-Love Tip #4: Positive Investments Into Your Daily Diet and Exercise

Your physical health and nutritional health play a role in your overall wellbeing. The foods that you eat, and physical activity are two ways to model treating your body like a temple.

The food you eat impacts not only the energy you have to physically move your body but also plays a huge role on your brain health.

Have you ever had a small period of time where you eliminated and minimized sugar, and focused on healthy whole foods? When you do this in your daily routine you feel more energized, have less brain fog, and feel in a happier state mentally. The issue with processed foods is that they are hyperpalatable and super addicting, which creates a chronic addiction for the need, want, and desire of processed foods. When you eat highly processed foods your brain does trigger a dopamine "happy" response, but most of the time after this quick dopamine jolt has ended, you are faced with regret for not prioritizing the right foods to fuel you body with.

I am not saying never eat the things you love and enjoy if they are highly processed, but learning moderation, and prioritizing whole foods is a true act of self-love.

The same principle applies to movement and physical activity. Strength training not only sets your aging body up for success, but it has shown in research to make a positive effects on your mental health and mood. As a wellness coach I have never come across someone who regrets working out, but I have come across many individuals who tell me that they "wish they would have made the time." Self-love for yourself would be adopting diet and exercise as a high priority, and making time for it.

It is important to consume proper foods to fuel your body, and prioritize strength training and cardiovascular exercise. These acts of self care ensure that you are creating a health balance mind, body, and spirit. 

Self-Love Tip #5: Positive Investments in Your Spiritual Health

Tip #4 talked about developing healthy diet and exercise habits to sustain a healthy mind, body, and spirit. I wanted to dive a little deeper into the meaning behind "spirit." A person's spirit is made up of who they are at their core.

Our core could also consist of fears, traumas, and insecurities that we may need to discover about ourselves and better understand.

A spiritual journey helps us to uncover these deepest darkest secrets about ourselves, and gives us the power and opportunity to continue loving ourselves through it all.

Although diet and exercise can help connect our mind, body and spirit. Other spiritual health deposits can look like:

• Moments of silence in nature reflecting on your life's purpose

• Allowing yourself to feel negative emotions, but processing and reflecting on what could be causing them

• Prayer and meditation

• Deep Breathing

• Gratitude Practices
  

Choosing to nourish your spirit is an act of self-love because it will help you develop a strong sense of self. Your purpose is often times deeper than showing up at a 9-5 job, and then going home to sleep. We find ourselves in robot mode at times by only doing the things we have been conditioned to do. True discovery of self can only be unthethred through spiritual and reflective practices.

You may find fulfillment by working a 9-5 job to pay the bills but spiritually feel charged when you donate your time caring for animals at a shelter. You may feel encouraged or dedicated to spreading the word of God. You may feel a strong desire to teach and guide others on their fitness journey because of how much living a healthier lifestyle has positively impacted your life.

Pouring into your spiritual health is a great way to develop a stronger sense of self and find your higher purpose. It takes an entire lifetime to grow down into who you are at your core. When you pour into your spiritual health, you can start living a life more authentically and true to who you are. Self-discovery through spiritual health practices is also a great act of self-love to develop more peace, balance, and confidence, and abundance in your life.

A healthy person nourishes not only the mind and body, but also the spirit. 

Thank you for tuning in today to this blog post, and I hope you adopt and practice the acts of self-love that resonate with you.

Much Love and Happy Habits,

Juliane Volosky

Author of the Happy Habits Health and Wellness Blog

The Unfiltered Truth About Self-Preservation: How It Can Expand or Limit Personal Growth

Self Preservation

I used to look at this term for all the positivity it brought into my life.

Self Preservation is defined as a natural human instinct to protect oneself from danger, discomfort, or harm.

Self preservation is very beneficial when it comes to having the instinct to run when being chased by a lion, or choosing to avoid or disassociate from a negative environment where you feel insignificant or undervalued.

However, self-preservation can make a negative impact on your overall wellbeing when it is being practiced through the wrong lens of thinking. Self preservation can be misused just to keep an individual feeling safe and complacent with their everyday actions, behaviors, and habits.

Humans are born and encouraged to evolve and transform throughout their lifetime, and with their daily habits, behaviors, and lifestyle.

Even though we are encouraged to evolve and grow as humans, our brains can tell us otherwise. Through learned behavior patterns and experiences, our brains can become wired to keep us “safe” and “protected” at all times. This response to constantly feel safe, protected, and comfortable can be the byproduct of unprocessed trauma, negative experiences, low confidence, and low self worth.

Today the human civilization is more safe, secure, and protected than ever before when it comes to modernized technology, housing, food, transportation, clothing, and shelter.

BUT

The Unprocessed trauma, deep insecurities, substance/alcohol abuse, and hiding the deepest and darkest traits of ourselves can cause our brain to subconsciously go into self-preservation mode to protect our pride and ego.

When we are subconsciously self preserving due to our own insecurities, lack of self worth, and unprocessed trauma- our brain will tell our body that we are unsafe, in danger, and uncomfortable at all times. Due to this- we will want to self preserve and protect ourselves from feeling any type of discomfort- even in environments and experiences that could benefit us longterm, and teach us valuable life lessons, tools, skills, and knowledge for the present and future moments.

Once we learn to live in our ego to protect ourselves, it’s hard to let our guard down, and own up and take accountability for our past mistakes, shortcomings, and flaws. Instead- we live in a state where we fear rejection. At the end of the day we want to be loved and feel worthy, but many of us fear that we are not enough, so this continues the spiral of living in your pride and ego rather than from a true and authentic space. Using self preservation to hide ourselves or protect ourselves is ACTUALLY preventing us from growing, healing, learning, and changing as an individual.

Recognizing the moments you are living in your ego and having fear of rejection is the only way to get grounded and present in the moment, and to overcome instances where self preservation is being used for the wrong reasons.

When we avoid or refuse to confront our own trauma, actions, behaviors, conflicts, disagreements, differences in opinions, negative experiences, or misunderstandings- this is where self preservation can be used in a negative way. Our brain tells us in order to feel safe and protected we need to isolate and avoid all experiences and situations that feel unsettling. Rather than facing or confronting a situation to see things from the other persons perspective or for our own internal flaws and insecurities- we avoid this discomfort entirely as a protection mechanism. This does nothing but hinders our ability to grow mind, body, and spirit.

Instead of taking accountability for our actions and behaviors, we use self preservation as a tool to shift the blame on others rather than taking ownership of our own mistakes and actions. Helping us feel “safe” and “comfortable” even when we are wrong or should be taking responsibility for our shortcomings.

There is a time and place where you use self preservation to protect your overall wellbeing and health by setting healthy boundaries for yourself when you are in a negative environment or relationships with individuals that don’t value your time and energy.

BUT… there are some circumstances where your ego will tell you lies in order to protect itself. If you don’t regularly do inventory on your own actions and behaviors, it’s easy to fall victim to using self preservation in a negative way and as a protective mechanism. This will feel good short term and leave you feeling safe in the moment, but long term creates a byproduct of negative feelings of oneself such as resentment, anger, jealousy, comparison, and frustration.

It takes a lot of willpower and strength to surrender in moments of discomfort, and recognize when you need to take partial or full accountability of your own negative actions, behaviors, mistakes and shortcomings.

Let’s breakdown some

ways in which we self preserve for the wrong reasons:

• To avoid personal growth. We self preserve in a negative way at times when we are challenged to grow as an individual in environments that initially feel “new,” “unsafe,” “different” and “uncomfortable.” We create excuses or narratives to avoid new experiences so that we can keep ourselves safe, complacent, and comfortable, even if long term embracing the discomfort would make your life better. Recognizing and reminding yourself that real growth will only occur when you expand outside of your comfort zone will help you avoid and overcome practicing self preservation in a negative way. It’s important to remind yourself that just because something is new and a little bit out of your comfort zone doesn’t mean it is unsafe or bad for your overall wellbeing. Our brain will ALWAYS choose familiar pain over an opportunity for joy that’s unfamiliar. So remind yourself of this.

• To protect the ego. We will subconsciously shift blame or criticize others to preserve our own ego and the deepest insecurities we hide not only to others, but our ourselves. It’s easy to self preserve our ego by criticizing or placing the blame on anyone but ourselves. When we are feeling emotionally heightened or uncomfortable in an environment with other people, we struggle to see things from any perspective but our own. This prevents us from the present moment and acknowledging our own flaws, traits, behaviors, and imperfections. People who self preserve their ego love to provide positive constructive advice and feedback to others, but often struggles to accept any form of constructive feedback from others- which is a huge indicator that you are protecting your ego or hiding parts of yourself. When humans can finally start recognizing the moments they are practicing self preservation to protect their ego, it gives them the power and courage to finally open their hearts to a path filled with more light and love, and seeing things from a different perspective outside of your own. When you live in alignment with your true and authentic self rather than in protection mode of your own ego; you recognize that everyone has their own trauma, shortcomings, characteristics, traits, and experiences that they are working through. This recognition can change your heart for the better, and help you realize that we are all imperfect beings on a life journey to learn and grow from each other. This also can help ground and center you when facing new experiences or situations. Feeling heightened emotions doesn’t necessarily have to create a byproduct of negative feelings all the time. Choosing to lead with light and love in a world that often chooses darkness can be hard. Choose different. Choose love. Choose to feel uncomfortable at moments, and accept that this is okay and only temporary. Sometimes- stopping the negative act of self preserving for safety and protection will help you lead with a more compassionate, empathetic, kind, and understanding heart. It can unlock true peace, joy, love, and abundance for yourself and others. Once you do the personal inventory and make conscious efforts to not lead with your ego you start growing, and better prevent yourself from self preserving. By facing our biggest fears, self doubts, insecurities, and unprocessed emotions and traumas- you will start leading a life that is true and authentic from the inside out.

• To Avoid Looking Like a Failure. We fall victim to using self preservation in a negative way when we want to protect ourselves from feeling like a failure.

  When we face roadblocks, mistakes or setbacks that cause outcomes we didn’t foresee, we self preserve to protect our image or how we want to look to others. Lets say you got fired from a job for showing up tardy several times over a five month period. Using self preservation in a negative way would be done by the employee placing all the blame on the employer. Instead of the employee taking accountability of their shortcomings and actions- they make excuses that the employer is the problem. When we make mistakes in life, it is important to take responsibility when needed rather than self preserving our negative actions and behaviors. When we learn to acknowledge, accept, and have awareness of our mistakes, insecurities, flaws, and shortcomings- it gives us the ability to grow, learn, improve, and forgive ourselves for our past mistakes, and prevent them from reoccurring in the future.

To sum up todays blog on self preservation- it is important to recognize when it needs to be practiced to improve your overall wellbeing vs practicing it to for the sake of keeping you safe and complacent. Being in negative environments, surrounding yourself with non-supportive friends, or choosing to pour into others over yourself are reasons to implement the practice of self preservation so that you can continue living in a healthy space and environment that encourages you to feel safe, true, and authentic.

BUT.. it’s important to recognize that the practice of self preservation can be a double edged sword, and can be used for the wrong reasons as well to protect yourself or isolate yourself from growing and living life authentically.

I encourage you to practice self preservation when needed, but to monitor and have awareness if self preservation is being practiced for your own personal benefit to stay safe by protecting your ego and insecurities.

How do you view the term self preservation after reading todays blog post?

Much Love and Happy Habits,

Coach Jay

The Secret to Success with Goal Setting: Desires, Discipline, and Determination

Photo by GWV productions, Parker Dam PA.

Goal Setting

As a fitness enthusiast and professional in the fitness world for close to 10 years now- I hear a lot of people having similar goals and intentions, “I want to lose 50 lbs, I want to feel good in my bathing suit, I want to get back to a weight where I feel confident when I look in the mirror.” Most of the time these thoughts and intentions to be better, do better, and find more consistency with diet and exercise come from a place of desire

Desire

An intention and want that is placed on your heart.

We all have desires whether it’s fitness related, a trip we have been dying to take, a dream car, the white picket fence dream house you have aspired to grow old in with your spouse, or that picture perfect job you’ve dreamed of having since you were a kid. The thing about desires- is that they should only be pursued when they align with your goal self.

What I have noticed most with my own desires- is that they take up a significant amount of space and time in my thoughts each day. These desires will either align or not align with my long term goals.

Sometimes desires come into our minds just because we are falling victim to the lens of comparison. We desire something just because others we look up to have it.

We either recognize and immediately dismiss these desires because they don't add value or purpose to our lives, or we choose to pursue them because they actually fill our cup. There are times that these desires don’t fill our cup or bring us happiness, but we choose to pursue them anyway-due to the external pressure from society to fit the “mold.”

I personally have found more peace and happiness in my own life when I inventory whether these desires are improving and adding value to my life and who I’m working on becoming, or if they subtract and take away from the future version of myself and don’t add value to my life.

I encourage you to recognize what desires bring you into alignment with your happiest and healthiest self, and fill your OWN cup.

Desiring something for external validation and to be accepted by others may feel good in the moment, but will not bring you long term happiness. That is why it is important to make time to monitor what goals and aspirations you truly desire for yourself, what habits and routines bring you happiness, and what habits, behaviors, and desires align or don’t align with where you want to go.

My favorite example of how you can align your desires with goals would be individuals pursuing a health and wellness journey.

Many individuals have long term goals and desires to tone up, build muscle, and lose fat. If you have a desire to lose fat and reach a fat loss goal- you have to practice habits on a daily basis that align with a fat loss goal. I have seen time in time again someone having the intention or desire to lose fat, but failing to pursue the habits needed to reach that outcome because the desire and habits it takes to achieve a fat loss goal quickly fade.

We fall back into the same negative habits we were practicing before due to convenience, comfort, and simplicity. Once you fall back into your old negative, easy, and convenient habits you no longer are going to be aligned with a fat loss goal. Sticking to the same old habits will not help you lose fat- no matter how much the desire to lose fat is there in your heart.

To reach any goal you set for yourself- you have to start examining WHAT it is you truly desire, and align your daily action and habits to that desire!

However- reaching goals is more than just desiring something. You also have to practice characteristics like self discipline and determination to stay on track with the goals you have set out to achieve. So let’s get into self discipline…..

Self-Discipline

If you have a goal in mind that you want to achieve- this means you have to start practicing habits and behaviors on a daily basis that align with your goal..

For example- lets say someone has a fat loss goal. When trying to develop fat loss habits an individual will most likely have the desire to practice the habits that align with fat loss right out the gate, but that usually fades out pretty quickly because our brains are creatures of habit. The brain likes to repeat what it knows and has learned over the years.

Which is why practicing habits through the lens of self-discipline is crucial. Not all desires that you think about on a daily basis will align with your goals. You have to be self-disciplined enough to resist temptation and caving into habits, desires, and actions that do not align with your goals.

Self-Discipline is defined as the constant follow through and obeyance of specific values, morals, actions, behaviors, and habits you have set out to achieve for a specific desired outcome or goal.

With self-discipline it is very normal that you may have to practice habits, behaviors, and actions you don’t like in order to achieve a specific outcome. Even when the going gets tough- you keep going by practicing self discipline with the challenging daily habits it takes to reach your goals.

When you have desires there will be a-lot of instances where a desire is not in alignment with your goals. It is important to consciously inventory all the desires that pop into your thoughts on a daily basis, and make sure you are practicing self-discipline with these desires so they dont turn into daily practices that create negative bank statements on your identity through your daily habits, behaviors, and actions.

When you have the desire to eat fried foods you need to practice self-discipline and say no most of the time- especially when you pursuing a fat loss goal. Fast foods on a consistent basis do not align with a fat loss goal. So even if you love and desire fast food quite frequently- you have to have the discipline to say no to it most of the time and choose healthier whole food based meals. This will transform the habit of eating fast food to a more positive habit of eating Whole Foods. Saying no most of the time to fast foods- keeps you aligned with your goals, and is an act of love for yourself through consistent self-discipline.

You may have the desire to eat your favorite chocolate bar and donut every morning for breakfast, but instead you practice self-discipline by staying dedicated to your fat loss goal. Instead of a donut/chocolate-you begin choosing a higher protein, more whole food based breakfast each day. A processed breakfast vs whole food based breakfast transforms from a negative to positive deposit habit towards your fat loss goals. You will still treat your self to a donut or chocolate bar to reward your efforts- but this is done very infrequently instead of on a frequent basis. Even though you love chocolate- you have the self-discipline to say no in the moment so that you stay aligned with your long term goals of fat loss.

You may desire to sit and watch TV every night while scrolling on your phone, but instead you practice self-discipline and decide that it’s important to take a 20 minute walk outside before sitting down and rewarding yourself with a little bit of TV to relax at night before bed. Your discipline to your goal of fat loss outweighs being comfortable and instantly gratified with TV even if the extra exercise is frictional and inconvienent in the moment.

Remember not all the desires that pop into your thoughts each day align with your goal self. This is why it’s so important to practice awareness around all of your desires so that they don’t block you from your long term goals.

If you find yourself feeling good in the moment but immediately feeling guilty after acting upon a desire- this is a sign the desire you chose to act upon was a negative deposit on your goals.

If you find yourself feeling friction and annoyance to do a habit but later on you feel energized, happy, and a sense of delayed gratification-this is a good sign that the desire you pursued made a positive deposit on your goal self.

Figuring out what is important to you and what goals you are trying to achieve will be a life long process that takes a lot of self-love, self-reflection, and self-discipline.

You have to practice self-discipline even if some of the habits that align with your goals are habits you don’t love practicing.

Healthy and happy alignment with your goal self can sometimes require in the moment choices and actions that you don’t love. It’s a healthy balance of loving some of the things you do, while having to be disciplined with the things you don’t love to achieve your long term goals.

For example- When you are pregnant- you are given an external motivator or reason to change your daily habits- such as giving up caffeine, lunch meats, and raw fish for the baby even if you love these daily nutritional practices.

As humans we struggle so much changing habits to align with goals such as someone with a fat loss because the changing of habits often times needs to be done internally and doesn’t always rely on us having an external motivator. Being pregnant and making changes with your habits for the baby comes easier for some because something outside of you is motivating you to make change (the baby).

Sometimes a fat loss goal will turn into an external source of motivation when the doctor threats your long term health and the possibility of chronic disease. Which creates more discipline and drive due to external motivation (the doctors medical advice).

When the changes that need to be made with your habits and behaviors are coming from an internal place without external motivators-this is where discipline is key to stay consistent with reaching your long term goals. Motivation and consistency will come through the act of self-discipline, and by staying determined to the process of a better you!

Determination

So…. you figured out what your long term goals are, you start monitoring if your desires are positive or negative, you implement the practice of being disciplined with your positive deposit actions, habits, and behaviors. Now what?

You stay determined with your commitments and desires to becoming your goal self.

Determination and discipline go hand and hand. Excuses, narratives, and roadblocks will happen in life. When these come up in your journey to your best self- you need to not only be disciplined- but stay determined

I’ve heard a lot of people say narratives like “I just don’t have the discipline” to do that. If you truly have a desire for a certain goal it is going to take consistent action, commitments, behaviors, and determination to reach your goal self. Showing up and honoring the version of yourself you are trying to become is the biggest act of self love.

When trying to reach a goal- no one will ever be perfect. Humans are imperfect beings. Goal setting is very uncomfortable because a lot of negative habits and behaviors have to be transformed into more positive deposits in order to become aligned and consistently stay aligned with your goals and the future version of yourself.

You only reach your goals when you practice consistency with your daily habits. When you accept you won’t be perfect, you can really surrender perfectionism and fall in love with the process of showing up as the best version of yourself each day.

It is going to take a lot of falling off the horse and getting back on and not giving up to achieve your goals. Which is the true definition of determination to me. Staying focused even when life’s obstacles get in the way.

With goal setting- it’s important to remember that shifting negative habits to positive ones can only be done though consistent repetition and action. If you are not able to be self-disciplined enough to follow through on your daily habits- you may need to start smaller than you already are.

It’s important to take baby steps so that you build up consistency, confidence, and momentum on your journey to a better you.

Starting small and then progressing once you have built self-discipline and consistency with your daily habits will help you stay determined and allow you to fall in love with the process. If you surrender into delayed gratification and allow habits to stick long term and consistently- you begin understanding that you will eventually get there over time- even if it takes longer than you would like.

The biggest mistake I’ve made with goal setting is setting commitments, habits, and behaviors that seem daunting and frictional to complete on a daily basis right out the gate- which made me inconsistent for years with my daily habits and behaviors. I was so hot and cold all the time. Being hot and cold with my commitments habits and behaviors on a daily basis did not cultivate self-discipline, determination, or any consistency to follow through on the habits needed to reach my goals.

Fast forward to today. Instead of trying to make drastic changes to my current habits I practice when it comes to career, life, or fitness goals- I start small with my commitments and habits.

After building confidence in small manageable habits, I slowly and progressively start scaling and progressing the habits over time to align more strongly with my goals. This has helped me stay determined to the process of reaching my goal self- rather than feeling overwhelmed, burnout, and feeling like I’m on a hamster wheel of consistency followed by inconsistency.

Be determined to the process of aligning with your goal self- even if that means starting small to cultivate confidence.

So in order to be successful with goal setting remember these three things:

1. Inventory your daily desires. Make sure they align with your goals. Sometimes desires block and steer you away from your goal self.

2. Learn to be disciplined with your daily habits, desires, actions, and behaviors. This is truly what it takes to reach your goals.

3. Always dedicate your time and energy into your goal self even if that means you have to start small to cultivate momentum, confidence, discipline, and energy. Be prepared to fall in love with the process of finding and pursuing the best and most ideal version of yourself. There is no end- it’s always a work in progress and about the journey.

Hope you enjoyed todays blog. As always I have so much love and happy habits to share with all those who tune into my blogs! Get out there and crush those habits this week!

Sincerely,

Coach Jay

Xoxo